I’m still at First Base Nation but never get ahead to second or third never home. What’s my problem?
Thanks for writing in.
From the tone of your question, I get the sense that this is a repeated issue, with repeated attempts, possibly not with someone you’re in a relationship with.
Casual relationships or one-night stands work for some people, but they may not be right for everyone. Could it be possible that you are hitting up people who want something more than just a physical relationship?
Perhaps you’ve been building a relationship with someone and things just aren’t moving at the pace you’d like for it to be moving?
For some people, having a physical relationship with someone is completely dependent on having an emotional connection to that person. Couples claim that having a strong emotional connection to their partner can lead to stronger physical chemistry in the sack. Without it, the experience may not feel satisfying for some. On the flip side, others would rather fly solo and avoid coupledom and emotional intimacy. As we do, your wants and needs may change over time.
There’s no way to know exactly what a persons sexual or romantic desires are before talking to them. It is important to start to understand what your sexual and relationship values are. Do some reflecting on exactly what it is you want out of a relationship. Are you interested in building a relationship with someone you can share your feelings, thoughts, and time with? Or are you only interested on changing your status to ‘home base nation’? Be honest with yourself. There are no right or wrong answers here, as long as you are respecting yourself and your partner, which you can do in any type of relationship.
Why aren’t you getting laid?
Some other things to consider are:
- Reading the Signs – tune in to what signals the other person is giving. If you’re able to get to first base with someone, which you can interpret as ‘they’re at least a little into me’, but you always get stopped before getting to second, ask yourself why. Are you moving too fast, being too pushy? Did you forget to brush your teeth?Are you being disrespectful in any way? These things can turn a person ‘off’ and change their status to ‘nope…I’m not that interested’.
- Reading People and Situations is a skill that can take a lifetime to get a handle on and even then nobody’s perfect at it. Start paying attention to what people are laying down and what you are giving off too. If you’re looking like a hungry wolf on the edge of a sheep farm, no matter how good-natured you may be, you may have a hard time convincing someone to ‘trust’ you’ll treat them well.
- Be Honest About What You Want– and tell whomever you are hooking up with how you feel. So if it’s, “I’m not looking for a relationship, but I’d still like to have some fun”. Or, “I’d like to get to know you”, be real. People will get the sense whether you are being genuine or not. So if you’re telling people you want a relationship, but don’t do anything except try to get to home base, then you’re communicating two different things. Make sure to get on the same page with yourself and your mouth and your actions are saying the same thing.
As with any relationship, it takes patience to find one that fits with what you’re looking for and vice versa. Have patience and treat yourself and your partner(s) with respect and honesty.
And, of course make sure you’re being safe by using latex or polyurethane condoms!
Take care,
Auntie Manda
